Xbox One Infographic/Ad Poster: A Deeper Look

Hey you! Glad you’re here and I’m sorry I don’t update more often. I do have a few ideas for blog posts including one focused on Bungie’s Destiny, Ubisoft’s The Division, and R*’s GTA Online – and why ‘MMOs’ of this type are awesome and entirely welcome. But for now, Microsoft released an “infographic” telling why their Cloud backup is the bizz-nezz. As some of you know I don’t react well to buzz words and flowery speak that publishers and other companies do to sell their products. And things like this, as ignorable as they are, is the sort of fodder that drives console fanboys to cite when defending their favorite toy. While console fanboy wars is the subject of yet another blog we’re just gonna run through this thing and break it down.

…Because I’m bored and so are you.

Employees get to feel special for about a year before this goes public.

First and most obviously let’s take a look at the green themed graphic in question:

Hmm…. Okay… Let’s begin.

Welcome to the new generation of Xbox Live. Unleash cloud power


Real behavior. Real victories. Challenge an ever-evolving network of opponents that play like your friends, even when you’re friends aren’t online.

Wait… why in the hell would I get on Xbox Live to play ghosts of my friends? What do they think people get on XBL for? If my buds aren’t online no way in hell does it comfort me that I can opt to play some bot who emulates their tendencies. It is interesting that Microsoft considers this a selling point of some sort. I’d love to know who’s sitting there getting hype over the prospect of playing advanced bots. But I also have another concern…

When you encounter these ghosts do they share my bud’s Gamertag when they’re ‘playing’? Would there be some kind of visual cue that they are in fact bots? I’d hate to have KalyxFangirl69 to join a game and I start talking about some sick move I pulled in Titanfall only to learn KalyxFangirl69 was a bot the entire game. Or maybe Microsoft is just a big fan of those “Hello?” voice message greetings that 100% fool you into thinking you’ve reached somebody.

And it dawns on me right this second… Xbox One ghosts are the new answering machine greetings. You”re connected to your buddy per se, but only in a shallow sense leaving you wanting to reach them for real.

And when your day ends, your profile continues to play against the world.

Nope, not cool. Hell no. I don’t want my ghost going around playing after I’m offline. I don’t want a ghost at all. This also raises another concern: Can my ghost thing get achievements? Can it grind for me? Will its kill/death ratio effect my real stats? Can it seduce Demi Moore with clay molding?

It makes sense in context… ironically, of course.

Ya know, you can play ghosts of other players in certain versions of Tekken and Virtual Fighter. Never was it cool to that somebody may be fighting my Tekken Tag 2 ghost right this moment, nor does fighting somebody’s ghost come even a little close to playing a person.

Make any Xbox One your Xbox One. Sign in to any Xbox One to get your Home Screen, Digital Games Content, Profile, and Saves. Start with… “Xbox On”.

That actually sounded pretty cool until the random Kinect voice command sell. I assume recovering your Gamertag now downloads all of your auxiliary assets instead of just your gamerscore and avatar. I assume this also means all of your saves and home page changes (Pins and such) are automatically uploaded to the cloud. There’s been some… problems in the last year with me and my buds that sells this system pretty good. I’m glad to hear it.

Explore evolving worlds. Xbox Live features and cloud computing cycles empower developers to create larger games, superior multiplayer, and new challenges.

Well… they could. I mean, the Xbox 360 is still a tough little console pumping out epics like GTA5 and Destiny. Developers can always explore it’s power and network to do great things – but they don’t. Games that really take advantage of the console could fill one Gamestop shelf, while other companies either don’t have the vision, skill, or budget to come close. So the selling point of what developers might do with the cloud means very little. I predict the number of games making use of the cloud and the extensive power of Xbox One (all the next-gen consoles really) will still be an elite few.

Never stop playing. When you’re connected to Xbox Live, game and system updates happen in the background so you can keep playing instead of waiting.

Hmm… Surely some updates would require you to wait if what you’re playing is dependent on them, particularly game specific updates. If Ken’s HP Shoryuken got an armor buff in the first 10 frames and the update dropped during an online game with me using Ken – what happens? I suppose the update would download and initiate after my game session is over, and I get my overpowered Ken the next time I boot up the game. In that case I would like to be able to track current updates much like you can downloads for 360 right now. I also assume downloads no longer require you to be off multiplayer.

Play with confidence. 300,000 servers. Play on one of the world’s largest and most reliable cloud infrastructures. The servers that power Xbox Live are in globally distributed data centers. Combined with blah blah blah blah blah blah…

Microsoft, honey, listen: We do not give a damn about this overblown jargon. Titanfall is a timed exclusive, whatever power the cloud provides it can obviously be duplicated down the line on PS4. Destiny will be on both 360 and Xbox One, as it will be on PS3 and PS4 – and Destiny seems like something you would have used to cite your cloud’s power, but here we are watching Bungie and R* accomplish magic on current gen consoles. I really hate when companies and especially consumers get uptight about the specifics of the hardware, when we’re gonna see identical versions of NBA 2k15 anyway.

And really, all of this is moot unless the developers use the cloud for better. And sense studios are less likely create multiplatforms games to the bare bone abilities of different consoles (opting to cut out features when warranted), chances are they won’t care about it either. I suppose Microsoft’s first party offerings will be the cloud’s examples of power but…

Ghosts aren’t even that cool. Thanks for reading, see ya soon.


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